Part 1. (Before I realized)
My eyes were as red as crimson when my mind goes blank. My soul was vacuum, and could only be thoughtless, ignorant, and indolent.
My “inner man” believes the apparent effect of my entire being and not the actual me. My tongue rolled out words of fortune, luck, and chance. I yearn for positive thoughts and ideas, but my head could only produce the reverse.
Spontaneously, my dreams became lofty. My visions blurred then my hope fled.
“This is not me!” I mustered out” I knew wisdom could be beautified by the calmness of the mind…
Before now, I was a dreamer, (not daydreaming) I mean I had great dreams. But one failure led to the other. Little disappointment here and there. And that was how I gradually got used to being turned down.
I remembered telling myself, “think all you care, dream of all the good things of this world, but u will never get them! No matter how hard you try.”
I now become very comfortable with my failures. I was, at least grateful that no one knew my thoughts and dreams. “So they will not judge.”
As I got comfy with my setbacks, I began to think of excuses, ways to justify my inability to achieve my set goals. I lost all form of motivation, I was almost always not in the mood for anything productive. In fact, I am just going to do whatever I feel like doing, not minding the consequences.
But then, something happened!